I did it!

Well, I did it. I got around 10% of my goal and my wife finally caved in and let me spend her hard earned money on the down payment! Over $220 isn't bad for online panhandling - not bad at all!

Its a beautiful Steel Blue Sahara edition with both the soft and hard tops - my dream car. I was going to do the sunburst orange like you see in the header at the top, but I really liked the blue better. This is me over here to your right. One of my summer interns took this as I drove up the stairs to one of the residence halls here. I would have gone further, but the railing got in my way. Stupid railings!

Thanks to everyone that donated. Thanks also to everyone that didn't donate, and by "thanks" to those people, I mean "screw you". Honestly, would $1 have killed you? I guess so.

But now I have to make the payment and also pay back my wife. Oh, and my kids would like to eat and be clothed when they go back to school. Do you smell that? Smells like either someone who is lactose intolerant had milk in their cereal, or there is another website coming. www.INeedToPayForMyJeepWrangler.com, perhaps??? KIDDING! Maybe...

FIRE SALE!

OK, so I've always thought that the Sunburst Orange was the way to go with my Jeep Wrangler; however my love affair started with the Steel Blue (below), which incidentally, Jeep discontinued starting with model year 2009. I just figured by the time I got the $$ up to actually purchase one, I'd be out of luck finding one with low enough miles and in decent shape.

Well, hold the phone with one hand, and slap me on the ass with the other - there is one available now! Its just up north of Chicago a bit and it has relatively low miles, like 24k for a 2007.

My wife said if I can hit at least $200 in donations before this bitch sells (the Jeep, not my wife), then she may actually spot me the rest of the money I need for the down payment! See, she is richer than I am. And smarter. And better looking. OK, so right now, I have no idea why she's with me, but I'm sure glad she is!

She either:

• a) thinks I'm sexy (even without flowing locks of hair)
  
• b) wants to have another baby with me
• c) is trying to keep me indebted to her so she can hang it over my head
• d) is so tired of listening to me bitch about a Jeep Wrangler and embarassed with my online pan-handling that she just wants it all to stop

I personally don't care which, although I think its probably one or both of the last two.

I BROKE $100!

Well, I can't believe it, I finally broke $100! BIG thanks goes out to @stefany... who saw my plea in the twittersphere and THREW IN A HONKIN' $25.00! This was from a woman from Corpus Christi that I've never even met! I have "friends" and "family" who wouldn't even give me an "F-You" let alone $25! I think that @stefany either

• a) thinks I'm sexy
• b) wants to have my baby
• c) paid with a stolen credit card
• d) is just a "Groovy Chick" (as Greg Brady would say) that wants to help a guy who so desperately wants a Jeep Wrangler.

I'm pretty sure its not A or B, and I'm hoping to God its just D and not C! Well this is my little shout out to my new best friend @stefany... from Corpus Christi, TX. Now I have a real person to pray for next time the hurricanes hit!

If you are ever in America's armpit of Texas, make sure you think of @stefany... and remember, Texas isn't just full of gay cowboys, but generous, rockin' babes like @stephanie... I would totally give her business website a plug (trust me, its NOT dirty!), but I don't want you all to start stalking her. Leave that to me!

How far should I go???

OK, so there is a story here about a woman in Salt Lake City who took out a classified ad to give away a FREE Jeep Wrangler! Whoa! I want a Jeep Wrangler! My site is even IWantAFreeJeepWranger.blogspot.com! And FREE would be even better! But the catch... you have to marry her. Thankfully, the Wrangler is a '92 and I'm not a fan of Utah (is anyone?), otherwise my wife would be wise to not eat or drink anything I prepare for at least 6-8 months. So there is little doubt as to what she would do to get a husband, but what would I do to get a Jeep Wrangler?

My buddy Daniel suggested that i TOTALLY sell out (as if I haven't been trying to whore myself out enough with my friends) and try to get hooked up with one of those vehicle advertising companies. I'm to the point that I would LOVE to do that! Drive around all day and have them pay me a monthly stipend to be a slut for their product. I'd give out samples and talk them up real nice too. I googled it (yes, I used Google as a verb, I'm dangerous like that. I also run with scissors and swim immediately after eating. Jealous?). Its called "vehicle wrapping" or "wrap advertising". I could only find one site to sign up with that didn't charge a fee. I'd be a little scared at what I'd end up with, but hell, at this point, I might actually drive the Preparation H mobile. Perhaps I should start soliciting businesses directly? "For $2k this year, I'll drive around with my car decked out with your business!" Or maybe I take the NASCAR approach and sell multiple spots. If it works for those hillbillys, it should work for me too, right? I think I'm going to try to contact Tobasco. Look at that Sunburst Orange color and tell me it doesn't scream "hot sauce"!

Thoughts? Suggestions? Sponsors? Let me know!

Donor Wall

As I've learned from my wife and my higher ed. brethren over in OIA (Office of Institutional Advancement), donors like to see their names on things. Most times, they like them on something shiny and displayed in a prominent place so they can have their picture taken next to it. Well, buff up your computer screens and get your anti-glare lenses ready:

• Jul. 23, 2009 From Debbie $100.00 USD - Holy Crap - $100 Donation! Full disclosure though (as opposed to the Full Monty - nobody needs to see that), Debbie is my mom. But if my mom can throw in $100 after the hell I put her through growing up, there is no reason you cheap bastards can't buck up!
  
• Jul. 21, 2009 From Jessica "H" $5.00 USD - A lovely woman I had the pleasure of hanging with in Ohio at a Conference. Nothing dirty, strictly platonic! She's a HUGE hockey (specifically Red Wings) fan. In return, if you tell me when hockey season is, I'll root for the Redwings.
  
• Jul. 21, 2009 From Strawberry $5.00 USD - And no, that is not her real name. Her real first name is Elizabeth. But who knows, Strawberry might just be her middle name cuz her parents might have been hippies that just loved their brownies, if ya know what I'm saying. Seriously though, throughout college, I didn't even know she had a real first name.
  
• Jul. 20, 2009 From Lindsay $2.50 USD - "Don't go spending this all in one place now...spread it out. Put a cent or two towards a nice stereo or something."- How's a 6 speaker Infinity system w/subwoofer sound?
  
• Jul. 19, 2009 From Shimala $7.50 USD - "I refuse to directly give you cash for your down payment. So here is what I propose. I will buy the first 2 rounds at a local watering hole when you and I next go out. That way you can use the money that you would have paid for "your" round ($6-$10) as 'my indirect donation'." I used 7.50 as the average for a round of beers - nice ones like Blue Moon or Leinie's Sunset Wheat, not crappy Miller Lite.
  
• Jul. 15, 2009 From Stefany $25.00 USD Stefany was in bold since she was the donation leader and knocked Stacy off the top spot as largest and most generous donor. She donated more than all of my friends by the way). As much as I respect and admire Stefany, feel free to knock her off by donating more than $25!
• Jul. 14, 2009 From Ashley $1.00 USD
• Jul. 13, 2009 From Tracy $1.00 USD
• Jul. 12, 2009 From Nat $1.00 USD
• Jul. 10, 2009 From Suzie $1.00 USD
• Jul. 8, 2009 From Brad $5.00 USD
• Jul. 8, 2009 From Robin $1.00 USD (pledged to give in person on Saturday, Jul 11 UPDATE: FULFILLED).
• Jul. 8, 2009 From Jill $1.00 USD
• Jul. 8, 2009 From Julie $1.00 USD (going "old school" and US Mailing it. Or perhaps Campus Mail, which is just "school")
  
• Jul. 7, 2009 From Andy $10.00 USD
• Jul. 7, 2009 From Audrey $2.00 USD
• Jul. 7, 2009 From Sharon $5.00 USD
• Jul. 7, 2009 From Allyson $6.66 USD (Nice, coming from a Christian University employee!)
  
• Jul. 7, 2009 From Holly $1.00 USD (4 Quarters to be exact!)
  
• Jul. 6, 2009 From Daniel $7.00 USD
• Jul. 6, 2009 From Matt $1 RMB/$0.15 USD
• Jul. 6, 2009 From Jeffrey $6.00 USD * "This is ONLY for a new Jeep Wrangler. If you never get the car, you return EVERYONE'S money."
• Jul. 6, 2009 From Leslie $3.27 USD
• Jul. 6, 2009 From Stacy $14.20 USD * "For the cost of five venti Americanos, I can sponsor Jon in a Jeep Wrangler? Absolutely."
• Jul. 6, 2009 From Lauren $5.00 USD

OK, so its no plaque on a cherry wall, but its a start. See, if you donate, you get your name on the world wide interweb too! Oh, and I removed the last names. Some people are funny about being cyberstalked. Crazy.

I'm also looking for corporate sponsorship. I'm not opposed to selling out and calling my site the "Preparation H IWantAJeepWrangler...", "Tampax Pearl IWantAJeepWrangler..." or the "KY Sensitive IWantAJeepWrangler..." I'm such a donation whore.

ANOTHER DONATION IN!

OK, so I officially have the coolest friends in the world! Stacy Oliver donated a whopping $14.20! Unlike my grandmother, who just might have been certifiably crazy, Stacy didn't just make up that number randomly (at least I don't think she did). She got it because she is giving up her Venti Americanos this week and donating the $ to me instead! Here's what she had to say:

"For the cost of five venti Americanos, I can sponsor Jon in a Jeep Wrangler? Absolutely! He's also strikingly handsome and great at Bejeweled!"

OK, so I made that last sentence up. Anyway, she's going old school and going to brew her own at home like I do. She is truly the bees knees, if in fact bees had knees.

But I have to say, I also have the jack-assiest (yes, its a word) friends in the world. Too many people saying "this is awesome!", "You are so funny!", "Stop scratching yourself in public, jackhole!", things like that, but not making a donation to my cause. Here's another example, Matt agreed to donate 1 RMB (Chinese currency), which amounts to about 14.6 US cents. HAHAHA, very funny, you bastard! Although Matt was my roommate in China, so it actually was pretty funny, but he has yet to follow through on his 14.6 cent pledge. I don't even care if he rounds down, that's how much I admire and respect him. With friends like these, who needs enemas. That's right, I said enema! Don't make me say it again!

This is not a joke people! I'm really trying to do this so help a brother out!
I know, I don't have cancer, I'm also being selfish, but you love me, right? Just a buck or two (or $14.20) is all I ask. Then spread the word about it. Lets see who can get the most number of people to donate to my fund! Special prize in store for the person that refers the most people! Twitter it! Facebook it! Blog it! Make sweet, sensual love to it! Uh, wait... never mind.

FIRST DONATION RECIEVED!

That's right boys and girls, I'm a whole $5 closer to my dream of having a Jeep Wrangler! My very first donation comes from a very cool cat named Lauren Teso. Lauren was a summer intern with us at Valpo about 2 years ago. She comes back every now and again cuz she's super cool. She likes sunny days, chocolate chip cookies from our own Valpo Dining Services department, WWE Wrestling (seriously) and long walks on the beach - with or without a man, she's a modern woman. She also added that my plight "was the most hilarious thing I ever read". And while I appreciate the sentiments, I have to disagree. THIS is the most hilarious thing anyone has ever read! I must warn you though, some of the language is NSFW (Not Suitable for Work, for all you non-work-time-surfers out there).

But regardless, big hugs & kisses go out to Teso! As a totally unsuitable reward for her generosity, she is now a charter member of the street gang I will be starting called "The Wranglers". We'll be bigger and badder than the Bloods, Crypts or the Mexican Mafia (thank you History Channel's Gangland)! But instead of fighting with guns or knives, we'll dance our rivals away! Who knows, at some point, I might even create a logo for us that we can all go get tatoo'ed on our forearm!

You all should totally become charter members of "The Wranglers" too! But hurry - charter members have NO INITIATION RITUAL! This offer won't last! Click on the link on the right to DONATE NOW!

MY PLAN

I so desparately want a Jeep Wrangler, it hurts me. Unfortunately, I just don't have the money to come up with the down payment on my own. Our kids daycare costs are eating up any amount of money we would be able to save for this vehicle, and unfortunately, the kids also need to eat - one of those things they don't tell you before you have them.

So I've heard about people starting their own web sites or signing up to take donations for their own dreams - going to college, mission trips, etc., and I though so why not my dream? Sure, maybe it's not as noble as those other ones, but its a dream nonetheless.

My goal is to somehow raise "a couple-a two-tree" thousand over the next X number of months and this is my first step in doing that. If I can get a few thousand people to all donate just a few bucks, maybe I can actually do this. Who knows, maybe this thing could go viral. Maybe Jeep will see this and knock a few bucks off. Anything can happen, so why not try, right?

If you are so inclined, click the DONATE link on the right. No amount is too small (well, maybe anything under $1), nor too big (even though it's not the size that matters), nor too random - myy grandma (God rest her soul) would enter in some wacky, non-even amount like $12.67, just like she did on that check my birthday that one year. Seriously. But I digress. If it were me, and I saw some guy doing this, I'd personally throw him a Lincoln (that's a fiver, by the way), but that's just me. I'm as generous as I am sexy. Wait, that means I'm not sexy at all. You get my drift.

So if this works, I get a 4-door Jeep Wrangler Unlimited. I guess your probably asking yourself...

SO WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?

Excellent question! Aside from the the warm, fuzzy feeling you'll get from helping me achieve my dream of owning a 4-door convertible beauty, I haven't quite figured that out quite yet. But I'm open to suggestions! Should I create a donor list? Sell "advertising"? Look for corporate sponsorship? Do some free-lance graphic design of some sort? Pictures of me in buttless chaps holding a lollipop while a midget spanks me with a wooden spoon? Uh.... wait a minute...

Leave a comment and let me know what you think would be a good "thank you" or "...I scratch your back" kind of thing. I'm really open to (almost) anything. As long as its legal. And won't require me getting too naked. Nobody needs to see that.

MY WRANGLER

So this is the Jeep Wrangler I REALLY want - the top choice on my wish list! It's an automatic, 4-door, Sahara edition in Sunburst Orange with both hard and soft tops. Its truly beautiful!

Despite what my wife might tell you to the contrary, I will admit that I am not picky. I also like the Red Rock Crystal Pearl as well as the Bright Silver Metallic. The Steel Blue used to be my favorite until they eliminated that color starting with the 2009 lineup. And I'm not totally stuck on the Sahara, I would even go with the X as long as I could get the side-steps as well. It all depends on how much I can save between now and whenever it is I get it. I don't even have to get a new vehicle - I'd definitely go "previously owned". In fact, by the time I raise enough money, I can probably get a used Sahara for the price of a new X.

MY STORY

Ever since I was a little boy, I dreamed of driving a Jeep Wrangler. That top-down-goodness called out to me like a beacon. In 1999, my dream had been realized. I purchased a brand new, Fern Green, Wrangler Sport! It was heaven!

Like many dreams, it was too good to last. I lost my local job but found work 45 minutes away from home, all just before my lovely wife and I were to be parents. As you might guess, despite their rugged elegance and beauty, Jeep Wranglers have less than stellar gas mileage, so driving 45 minutes each way was causing me to fill up every 2.5 days. That, coupled with the fact that trying to get a carseat into the back of it was like trying to cram a cat into a bucket of water, forced me to trade in my dream for a more "family friendly" vehicle, like one that you don't have to climb into to fetch your kids. That was the end of my Wrangler days.

Ever since, I've been wanting to get another Jeep Wrangler. Every time I pass a dealership, I look longingly at the selection and think of the old days. Now that I commute less than 5 miles to and from work every day, and the fact that they introduced the 4-door Unlimited model, the time is right for it to be (almost) practical. Plus, the kids are now old enough (7 and 5) to climb in and out themselves. I've even got THEM wanting me to get one!